It grieves me to inform you that this piece has absolutely nothing to do with the epic mutants popularly known as X-Men. It’s actually about a group of individuals much more powerful – your exes.

Break-ups suck. The feeling is universal. An uncomfortable knot claims your chest. Your movements are incoherent. Your priorities are inaccessible. Thoughts race, emotions surge, the order of one’s life seems to dissolve into suffocating chaos. Confusion, bitterness, sadness, and every now and then, relief hold you captive. And then – it’s over. It passes. You move on. You’re ready for the next one. But, you never REALLY forget about the last one. And, in fact, you shouldn’t.

The lecture hall is filled, so you can’t sit with an empty chair on either side of you like you usually do. You pick a seat between strangers. One of them gives you an enigmatic smile as you sit down. An indecent thought flickers across your mind. You brush it aside and introduce yourself. You don’t learn a single thing in class that day.

A friend request appears in Facebook. You accept with an unexpected flutter in your stomach. A message soon follows, and a smile commands  your lips. You take forever to respond because you choose every word ridiculously carefully. Every class thereafter, you sit together. You exchange numbers, and communication becomes more frequent. It becomes a part of your day. You share what you know, what you feel, what you want. You realize you want more. Bliss melts your defenses when you discover that the feeling is mutual.

Love Prison

Your mind surrenders. You try things for the first time. Intuition prevails over inhibition. You learn, you change, you grow. Memories drive their roots to your cores, and beauty erupts from the collision of your beings. Life is good. You only wish you had met this person earlier. You want it to last forever.

Well, it doesn’t.

There’s a door to your heart. Most people only see one side of it. The outer side. When the right person comes along at the right time, we open this door – we let them in. They gently close the door behind them, and in our hearts they stay. They keep us warm, and our chests swell with their presence.

Until they leave, that is.

It breaks you. To rebuild, you need distance. You sever all remaining ties and put yourself back together, piece by piece. The graceful spirit that once danced on your breath slowly fades. A friend, a lover, becomes a stranger. But, not all is lost. You have a choice. You may lose a friend, but you need not lose what you learned.

Remember the happiness you shared. Remember the conversations that left you thinking, crying, kissing. Remember how you changed. Embrace the scar on your heart. Let it remind you of You-Know-Who, the blinding euphoria of your encounter and the tenacity of circumstance. Don’t make the same mistakes the next time. Be a better friend, a truer lover. Be grateful. Say goodbye, but never forget.

And, hearken, for ever so softly do knock the knuckles of fate.

– JiNiT

4 thoughts on “Ex-Mend

  1. Audrey says:

    Ah… This tugs at my heartstrings. I agree with what you said: we shouldn’t forget about our past relationships, but rather let them become a part of us. But not only that: I would argue that, if you truly loved someone, you CAN’T forget them, even if you want to. They are forever a part of you.

    But here’s the tricky part: finding the balance between not forgetting and remembering too much. Because, let’s face it, if we think about our past loves too much, we simply cannot move on. I’ve been in a situation where my ex-boyfriend felt it was best to essentially not speak or interact at all after the breakup. And it’s sucked. But I have to admit, he had a point: it makes it a lot easier to move on with my life. In order to separate, you need to SEPARATE. But when you separate, you also can’t forget all that you learned from the other person. It’s like an ironic, vicious cycle.

    I’m not sure exactly how to strike the balance between remembering and moving on. All I know is that, somehow, it needs to be done, and that it’s probably a very difficult balance to achieve. But then again, is anything easy in love?


    • Hi, Audrey :)

      It’s easy to fall in love. Everything that follows is usually slightly less so (some things being very much less so) lol. But, the difficulty is presumably trivial in comparison to the fruits of the labor. I think many peoples’ conceptions of love are rather shallow and insulting to the idea (as I conceive of it), but that doesn’t change the fact that they BELIEVE that they are in love. Nor does it change the near certainty that challenges and tests of commitment and faith are a mere stone’s throw away from the mutual recognition and acknowledgement of romantic sentiment.

      That being said, it could be argued that the near inherent difficulty associated with the preservation and optimization of romantic relationships is exactly what compels us to pursue them so vigorously. The path of least resistance often diverges from the path of most fulfillment, does it not? :)


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